Murder Cat

My Murder Cat

That’s what they call Trout at his old boarding facility (old because we moved, not because he hurt anyone). When we’d pick him up, they’d sound nervous at the prospect of getting him in his carrier and 9 times out of 10 would ask us to help. I have been in their shoes, particularly with a cat named Ninja. I would work my schedule around having to carrier that cat! So, of course, I was always willing to help them out and was sad that my cat was so mean.

Depending on who you ask, Trout isn’t mean at home. Gremlin is his best friend, he is mildly interested in Scout, and he thinks I’m okay. We won’t get into Trout and Matthew’s relationship.

He doesn’t get too involved with the family unless his food dish is empty. If we ignore his begging for food, he’ll ask Scout. But she’s 15 months old, so when she doesn’t comply he starts chewing expensive charging cables, plants, ankles – anything that will get our attention, really. And for me, this is where trouble began last weekend.

The Evening in Question

While Matthew pulled Scout out of her evening bath, I ran downstairs for the laundry where fresh jammies waited for her. Trout was also downstairs, waiting on us to notice his empty dish. After watching me pull the laundry out of the dryer and turning to hustle back upstairs, Trout was on a mission to stop me. I was almost midway up the stairs when he ran up in front of me and sat down on the next step I was about to climb. I tripped but caught myself. I used the railing to get back up and WHAM! I stood up directly into the ceiling of the previous floor. Matthew, two floors up, heard it! My ears rang and my eyes watered, but I was conscious so I knew I was okay (goes to show you how little us lay people know about concussions!) .

Two days later we went to the ER when I was still dizzy and sleeping all the time. I suffered a mild concussion and am working through post-concussion syndrome, a seemingly invisible ailment.

Is Your Cat a Murder Cat?

I’m not mad at Trout. He was just hungry and trying to tell me about it! It’s kind of funny, now his nickname is Attempted Murder Cat. The way I see it, there are two kinds of cat people, people who are wondering if their cat is plotting to murder them and the people whose cats have already tried!

So now! To spare what little cognitive function I have left for the day, here are some gifs breaking down typical murder cat behavior…

 

Some cats like to break your spirit. They want to kill you from the inside…

While others go the starvation route.

Some only come at you when you mess with “their” stuff.

Some cats are cruel enough to go after your children…

And others try to take down the family dog.

Whatever your cat’s MO, I’m sure they sometimes feel real bad about it and self-punish.

 

Has your cat ever attempted murder? Share your story in the comments! I’m dying to know! 😉

 

 

3 Comments

  1. Drew Atherton

    My cat only tries to murder my sanity. 5:30 wake up calls to let me know he’s awake and would like food. I think he thinks he’s being subtle but since he’s completely deaf he clearly has no clue how loud he’s being….

    Very very very loud

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